Sunday 23 September 2012

Reunion....

It was 8 months since I had been home. Home- a warm , fuzzy place just thinking of which fills me with a feelong of love, happiness and content.
I was happy! I had missed Mumbai despite its dirty, crowded streets, noisy neighborhoods and dusty climate. But there is no other place in the whole world that felt more like home than aamchi Mumbai.

The drive home from the airport was nostalgic& anxious. Nostalgic- because of the familiar sights and faces. Anxious- coz today I would see her after ages. Ages, which seemed to have taken forever to pass, ages that i had missed her for, thought of her, yearned for her, laughed at her, cried for her.
Ages that had felt so very long and lonely that now they seemed kind of unreal.

I was tense for I didnt know if she would remember me, recognize me. I was certain that she had by now forgotten me, my face, my voice, my memories! But for me every single day of her existence was fresh, as though it was today and now.........

..............It was just past twilight, the time of the evening when the darkness has just enveloped the entire sky and settled in for the night. Me, daddoo and bachi got out of the car and waited at the unfamiliar location. I looked around looking for the person I had spoken with. A tall and muscular man holding a leash approached us and asked if we had spoken to Rohit. Behind him a fully grown male labrador was bouncing around in his own world. The man introduced himself as TYSON and his dog as BENJO, and that he was the father. Tyson asked us to wait there while he brought her.

Bachi and me were talking and giggling. Dad looked at me and smile. He knew how long we had waited for this day, how many years of trying to convince ma and now she had finally rather reluctantly given in.
My thoughts were disturbed by the image of tyson walking towards us with another fully grown female lab on a leash.
But I wasnt interested, for my eye was upon the bundle he carried in his hand. He cam near us and handed the bundle over to me. That was the very first time that I saw her, a tiny little fawn coloured labrador female pup with the greenest of eyes and the pinkest of noses. And as she looked up at me I knew I was in love.
For I had never seen anything so beautiful or tiny or soft in my entire life. And I knew that no matter what life would never be the same.

Bubbles, as we called her, soon became the centre of our lives. Everything in the house was for her, because of her. She was such a happy, bubbly little thing that would make you love her. From day one she didnt cry or howl. She knew this was home and that she belonged. She never misbehaved though she was immensely naughty. But she was always obedient and most importantly she loved us immensely.
In her own way she influenced our lives. She would bark at raised noises, so we stopped having any fights. She hated if we slept in, so we all woke up early. She loved long walks , so we became healthy. She was very punctual about food timings, and hence so were we.

To each of us her behaviour would be different, as if customised for us. But the bond that we shared was different, unique, special. For we knew that we were meant to be together somehow.




Every day when I would return home from the hospital i would bring her an empty bottle. And she knew the time of my arrival for I would find her head poking out of the window looking for me.

 And then the moment she would hear my whistle I could see her body shake as she shook her tail hard with joy. Evenings we would run and play with the ball. And then when we returned home she would sit on my lap gazing out of the window as i drank my coffee, and  would tell her about my day and all its events. She always listened as if she understood, and I know it sounds silly but I think she did . At night she would sleep at my foot moving between the floor and my bed , but always by my side. She would wake me up before my alarm went off and not leave my side untill I left for work.

Coming home became something I looked forward to , coz I wanted to meet her, and talk to her and play with her. She had become a part of my life that I felt had always existed. Noone or nothing else held precedence over her. She became my best friend, my soulmate. She trusted me and I her. For in her I had found someone who would never let me down, someone to talk to , someone I could love without the fear of getting hurt. Fo my bubbi loved me for me, she loved me unconditionally.And everytime I would gaze into those green green eyes, I felt comforted, content, I felt home..........

.......I was jolted back to reality as the car pulled into the driveway. I got out and helped mom with the bags and sat on the swing , waiting for her open the frontdoor.  As soon as mom unlocked the door, bachi runned out and hugged me. Behind her stood bubbles looking at me with her green eyes.
I called out to her " Bubbini, kaun aaya?" and she just pounced on me with her tail wagging at light speed and licked my whole dface. that moment was the most unforgettable moment of my life, for my joy had no bounds. My bubbles had not forgotten me, She still remembered me, and I think she too had missed me.

Late that night as I finished unpacking my bag I looked up to see bubbles still lying down at my feet with her head resting on my legs. She had been by my side all day, never leaving me as if she feared that if she did then I would go away again. As I got up she raised her head and looked up at me. " Im going to sleep, u coming?" I asked her. She got up and followed me to my bed and slept next to me snoring lightly.

And as I watched her sleep my heart was finally at peace. I knew that noone in this lifetime could ever make me feel the same as I felt for her. For I was in love, I loved her unconditionally.

Thursday 6 September 2012

Choices....

How do you know that you made the right choice?
Whether it is the dress you are wearing today, or the cereal you bought, or the life u chose?
How can you know for sure that it's the right choice to make?

I always felt that I would rather make the choice myself and be unhappy than living by what someone else decided for me.and I cannot say that I am truely happy!

I have always been a very rebellious, free thinking and out there person , which is posh talk for stubborn, loud mouthed and rude. But I am a good person, at least I think so.
One thing I am most absolutely sure of is that I cannot cause hurt to anyone, consciously.

Also I'm very ambitious, a dreamer even, with a wild imagination that makes me see these fantastical dreams which then my mind begins to desire.
But in all of this the one thing I forever wanted to do was to become a surgeon, a really good surgeon.  That was/is my life's dream. And I was willing to sacrifice anything to get there.
I have lays been an excellent student so it wasn't too hard for me either.

So while I dreamt these dreams with my eyes wide open I never realized that I don't get to choose everything in my life. '' When you think you have life all figured out, life gives you a jolt and makes you realize that you don't have any control on it"

Med school was tough. So whoever it is that said that it's only tough to get in and there on its a breeze, well I personally would love to strangulated him. No one tells you about the competition , the bitchiness and the manipulation. No one tells u that people can stoop to any level to push u down even a bit.

Surviving that took more out of me than I would care to admit. In just the span of a year I went from being bubbly, cheerful with a skip in my feet to friendless, shunned, mocked, self conscious, depressed and morally broken. And I guess I never really recovered from it.
But still the fight in me didn't die, not entirely that is, for every time I felt exhausted the spark of light would flicker a bit and again I would force myself to push ahead, to not give up.

My innocence, my self worth, my morale is the sacrifice I have made to get one step closer to a dream which now was barely alive.

The day I finished medical school was the best day of my life. I knew I finally got to move ahead, I didn't have to suffer the past anymore, I could move on past the past and head towards something glorious.

But something happened, I fell on love. And that's when I made the decision. I chose to marry the only man in the world who knew me, the only man I could ever love and think of being with forever.

That choice has changed my life.
Today after two years of marriage I am still struggling to recognize my lifelong dream . Struggling!!! Against time, age, family